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Random Quips
Of all the random message JavaScripts here at TJS, I probably like this one the most. It's hilarious! The JavaScript will randomly pick and write a quote to your web page. They're all funny! You'll love 'em!
Click on the generate button
Insert into <HEAD>
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript"> <!-- Begin function gene(form) { day = new Date() hr = day.getSeconds() if (hr == ("1")) tag=("hello") if (hr == ("0")) tag=("Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.") if (hr == ("1")) tag=("Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?") if (hr == ("2")) tag=("Give me ambiguity or give me something else.") if (hr == ("3")) tag=("I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!") if (hr == ("4")) tag=("We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.") if (hr == ("5")) tag=("Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.") if (hr == ("6")) tag=("Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!") if (hr == ("7")) tag=("Did anyone see my lost carrier?") if (hr == ("8")) tag=("Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.") if (hr == ("9")) tag=("I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!") if (hr == ("10")) tag=("He who laughs last thinks slowest!") if (hr == ("11")) tag=("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.") if (hr == ("12")) tag=("Save the whales, collect the whole set") if (hr == ("13")) tag=("A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.") if (hr == ("14")) tag=("Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.") if (hr == ("15")) tag=("There's too much blood in my caffeine system.") if (hr == ("16")) tag=("Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.") if (hr == ("17")) tag=("Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.") if (hr == ("18")) tag=("Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.") if (hr == ("19")) tag=("I wont rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.") if (hr == ("20")) tag=("Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.") if (hr == ("21")) tag=("Double your drive space - delete Windows!") if (hr == ("22")) tag=("What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?") if (hr == ("23")) tag=("If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.") if (hr == ("24")) tag=("Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.") if (hr == ("25")) tag=("Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.") if (hr == ("25")) tag=("Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.") if (hr == ("26")) tag=("Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.") if (hr == ("27")) tag=("I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.") if (hr == ("28")) tag=("Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.") if (hr == ("29")) tag=("I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.") if (hr == ("30")) tag=("A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.") if (hr == ("31")) tag=("Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.") if (hr == ("32")) tag=("The gene pool could use a little chlorine.") if (hr == ("33")) tag=("When there's a will, I want to be in it.") if (hr == ("34")) tag=("Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?") if (hr == ("35")) tag=("Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.") if (hr == ("36")) tag=("I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.") if (hr == ("37")) tag=("We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?") if (hr == ("38")) tag=("All generalizations are false, including this one.") if (hr == ("39")) tag=("Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.") if (hr == ("40")) tag=("C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.") if (hr == ("41")) tag=("Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.") if (hr == ("42")) tag=("Clap on! , Clap off! clap@#&$NO CARRIER ") if (hr == ("43")) tag=("640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81") if (hr == ("44")) tag=("90% of all statistics are made up") if (hr == ("45")) tag=("A man needs a good memory after he has lied.") if (hr == ("46")) tag=("A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.") if (hr == ("47")) tag=("A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.") if (hr == ("48")) tag=("Apple copyright 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve") if (hr == ("49")) tag=("Apple Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.") if (hr == ("50")) tag=("Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board") if (hr == ("51")) tag=("Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?") if (hr == ("52")) tag=("Beulah, peel me a grape.") if (hr == ("53")) tag=("Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!") if (hr == ("54")) tag=("Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.") if (hr == ("55")) tag=("C++ should have been called B") if (hr == ("56")) tag=("COINCIDENCE happens.") if (hr == ("57")) tag=("Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!") if (hr == ("58")) tag=("Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin") if (hr == ("59")) tag=("Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.") form.tagline.value=(tag) } // End --> </SCRIPT>
Insert into <BODY>
<CENTER> <FORM> <TABLE width=70%> <TR> <TD><b><kbd>Click on the generate button</KBD></b></TD> <TD><input type="button" value="GENERATE" onclick="gene(this.form)"></TD> </TR> </TABLE> <input type=text NAME="tagline" size="70"> </FORM> </CENTER>
Other Options
